


Drunken Tokyo Ghouls!

by elegant_malice



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Comedy, Drunk idiots, Gen, Humor, Kaneki and Hide walk into a bar, Light-hearted fic, shit happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-03-26 15:31:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3855811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegant_malice/pseuds/elegant_malice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Kaneki thought Hide was bad, nothing could prepare him when he decides to get drunk with his ghoul friends on a whim. After all, when it comes to ghouls, things are different. Way different. Uninhibited strength, mercurial tempers, and dangerous mood swings where one wrong look can mean instant death. </p><p>Oh, and who can forget? </p><p>Maximum violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little light-hearted TG fic involving the ghouls chilling around and having fun. Because the manga and anime is angsty enough.
> 
> Thanks to yuuki24688 for beta-ing fic. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Prologue**

Kaneki thinks that one major difference between humans and ghouls is how they act when they are drunk. Ghouls are more uninhibited, taking in alcohol like a fish to water whereas humans are more restrained in their alcoholic intake.

Kaneki remembered having been persuaded (forced) by Hide to loosen up a little after one of their major examinations. As a law abiding citizen, Kaneki usually frowned upon alcohol but as he rubbed his bloodshot eyes and saw a couple of eye bags beneath them, he decided that having a couple of drinks wouldn't hurt.

True enough, a couple of glasses reduced them to red-cheeked boys who may be a bit overly emotional when it comes to the misfortunes of being young. Homework assignments and exams in particular, ended up being a sore point for Hide.

"Oh woe is me! Why is an A so hard to get? Why must I shed my blood, my tears, my precious vitality and youth just to obtain a mere alphabetical grade in class?"

Kaneki, staring into the bottom of the sadly empty glass, shook his head in sympathy.

The truth is that both Kaneki and Hide were rather intelligent human beings. (At least, they were human beings when they were getting drunk. Time pass, shit happens and Kaneki ends up changing his species. All part of life, unfortunately.)

They were just students who needed a little break from all the stress of examinations. It's not like they have to worry though. Their scores in class are above average, hovering somewhere around wow-that's-not-bad to holy-fuck-what-on-earth-is-this-even-real. Also, being intelligent may probably account for their free pass for overly dramatic sighings and musings.

After a couple of glasses, Hide said morosely, accompanied by a slight drop in his pronunciation abilities. "There mus' be more to life than dis. Grades. Who needs 'em? I'm smart. Right, 'neki?"

To which Kaneki, still mesmerised by the glass in his hands, simply nodded.

"Hey 'neki, do you have a girlfriend yet?"

"What?" The spell broke and Kaneki looked up to blink owlishly at his friend.

"Not lis'ning to me," Hide complained.

"Sorry, a bit distracted." His gaze strayed back to the glass before snapping back to Hide's face when he scoffed.

"I'm more important than a glass! Anyway, 'neki, d'you have a girlfrienddd?" Hide dragged out the last syllable in childish glee.

With the same shy charm that earned Kaneki a huge fan base, Kaneki looked away and blushed. "I'm not thinking about getting a girlfriend. I'm more interested in my studies."

"Right," Hide nodded in mock seriousness, before bursting out, "But you're lonely!"

"What? No. I'm fine."

When Kaneki goes to scratch his chin, Hide could only mentally sigh. Too easy, this is just too easy. Like a lion going in for the kill, Hide crowed in victory, "Kaneki, we need to get you a girlfriend!"

Kaneki spluttered, his face flaring a deeper red than all the apples in the world combined.

Hide chuckled to himself and it ended up turning into gales of laughter that had the other patrons wondered to themselves if there was a lunatic on the loose. When Hide turned to face Kaneki and almost fell out of the chair, he grabbed hold of Kaneki's shoulder for support and announced to the whole world at the top of his voice, "Everyone! Get this guy a girlfriend! Cause he's so lonely he's going to cry like an emo!"

Amidst his friend's declaration, Kaneki slammed his head into the table in sheer embarrassment as Hide laughed wildly. Now, the patrons have reached a conclusion: Yep, there is  _definitely_  a lunatic on the loose.

So yes, Kaneki tries to avoid getting drunk with Hide after that. Hide is a good friend, but he can be a little loud when he is drunk and tend to talk. A lot. He can wax lyrical about his eraser ("Oh my precious stationery, making my world a little less dreary. Erase my mistakes and rise another day, over the rainbow and up up away!")

Well, yes, Hide talked a lot when he is drunk, but the amount of logic and reasoning that goes into his speech declines rapidly after his first glass. Kaneki learnt to take it all in his stride. From "Hey Kaneki, I think my pencil is a better friend than you," to "The fork and the spoon ran into a wall! Call the ambulance, Kaneki, god damnit! They can't die!"

It's better for all parties involved to simply accept these words rather than to dwell on them too long, Kaneki figured.

Since actions speak louder than words and Hide always had to be the loudest person in the room, there were also a few funny incidents like the time Hide picked a fight with a rubbish bin, and a few not so funny incidents when Hide picked a fight with a rugby player. And the bartender. And their girlfriends. At the same time.

Supposedly, intelligence isn't universal when it comes to alcohol.

Still, Kaneki was thankful that they had managed to escape in one piece from that encounter and he's both angry and annoyed at Hide for getting them into trouble. Although he had to tell him later; they were too busy exchanging shit-eating grins with busted lips and giggling between themselves.

Of course, if he thought Hide was bad,  _nothing_  could prepare him when he decides to get drunk with his ghoul friends on a whim.

After all, when it comes to ghouls, things are different. Way different. Uninhibited strength, mercurial temper, and dangerous mood swings where one wrong look can mean instant death. Oh, and who can forget?

Maximum violence.

In retrospect, Kaneki would rather take Hide anytime.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 2 other TG fics and am busy writing them but the idea for this fic kept niggling in my head and I eventually gave in (damn it, brain). I would consider this a side project to my other TG fics so I'll only upload this when I have the time. :)
> 
> If it's not too much trouble, please leave a review to let me know what you think. Pretty please with a fire-breathing dragon on top? :D


	2. Foreboding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a quick little story about ghouls getting drunk but it ended up growing a backstory and reasons for why they're getting drunk. Yep, I have planned the entire fic out because it seems I tend to invest myself in just about everything. Ah well, enjoy! :)
> 
> A big thank you to my beta yuuki24688 for taking the time to look through this!

 

As all eventful days starts out, the day begins normally. Nothing out of the ordinary, no surprise sneak attacks from a ninja clan or an invasion of flesh-eating parasites.

The sun is shining benignly, the wind is pleasant, wounding around Kaneki's cheeks and he is on his way to Anteiku for his work shift. The day seems never better.

Although...there seems to be something missing. Something like -

"Hey shithead, stop dawdling outside and get your sorry ass inside here already!" Touka snaps.

Ah, there it is. Nothing can beat a sunny good morning from the one and only Touka. Kaneki has more or less gotten used to the girl's brusque nature and if he is more confident, he would say that they are on fast tracks to becoming good friends. Friends that give each other death glares that threaten to set him on fire just by the intensity alone.

"Kaneki..." She growls, when he merely blinks at her like an idiot.

"We have some special customers today so pull yourself together and act like a competent person who can function in society already, shithead."

Ah, Touka. Ever the tactful young lady. But here's the irony of it all, between Touka and him? He's the more tactful one.

"Apologies, Touka-chan. Good morning to you too." He gives her a smile that is just short of blinding.

Slightly disoriented by Kaneki's (impeccable) manners, she remains silent as he brushes past her.

"Pardon me, but could you explain about the special guests today? I'm afraid I wasn't updated on that and I wish to perform my best today." Okay, so maybe he is laying it on a bit too thick but nothing can compare to the bewildered look on her face.

To him, this is just too amusing.

"Oh um." She blinks, composes herself. "The guests are journalists from a popular magazine and they're coming down to do a review on Anteiku."

"Oh, but I thought many journalists have come down to Anteiku before. Why is this any different?"

"We don't know who the journalists are, so we need to perform our best the whole day. They're compiling a list of top coffee shops in the whole of Japan. Over a 100 coffee shops have been selected and if we get into top 5, they're going to do a televised cast."

"Wow."

In terms of publicity, this is going to the best as it can get. Imagine being awarded the top 5, Kaneki can picture how their profits are going to make Wall Street jealous.

"Yeah, now please hurry up and change."

Did Touka just say 'please'? Holy snap, was the parasitic invasion really true? Has she been taken over by one and her face is going to split into half to reveal the parasite residing in her skull? He'd hate to have be its first victim and be grotesquely mutilated.

Touka must have guessed his train of thought because her eyes flash and she hisses, "Are you deaf? Get to work  _now_."

Phew, close call. It's still Touka.

"Okay, sorry!" He ducks his head and heads to the backroom, greeting his colleagues as he meets them along the way.

Changing into his typical work attire that consists of a white shirt with a vest, black pants and a tie, he takes his place at the counter.

"Think we're going to land in the top 5 spots?" Enji asks, drying one of the cups.

Kaneki looks around the shop. A joyful atmosphere prevails, buoyed by the positivity of the workers and the customers. Even though it is crowded, the soothing murmur of conversations and clinking of cutlery is familiar to all the staff as they endeavour to hit the top 5 spot in the magazine. Throughout the whole time, the reviving scent of coffee and vanilla wafts around the cafe, drawing in new customers and reaffirming old customers on the timeless quality of its coffee.

Irimi is taking orders from a sandy hair man, Nishiki is taking down more coffee beans from the stockroom and Hinami has decided to chip in by wishing customers a good day with her typical cheerful smile. And Touka serving customers with a bright smile on her face.

Enji follows the line of his gaze and remarks, "Amazing what publicity can do to her, right? If we didn't know better, I would have thought that she was just a sweet and unassuming young lady. Too bad we know the truth." Enji's theatrical sigh is cut off when Touka walks over with murder in her eyes.

"I heard that, you stupid monkey." Touka hisses before turning around to take a customer's order. Like magic, her eyes take on a softer and warmer look and she smiles gently, "good morning, what would you like to order?"

Witnessing the transformation itself, Kaneki can only nod to Enji, who has turned a few shades paler.

"I just hope I won't get murdered in my sleep."

Normally, that sentence is usually meant as a joke but they're ghouls and this is Touka they're dealing with. Kaneki decides not to answer to that comment and puts in extra hard work to ensure the countertop is as clean as possible and fulfils the entire customer's order meticulously. No point risking Touka's wrath.

Besides, he's looking forward to the arrival of the journalists. He wonders how they look like, if they will like Anteiku's coffee and whether if their high level of customer service standard can be maintained all day. He certainly hopes so. Touka certainly looked like she wants to kill somebody when he saw her walking to the back room during her break.

Sitting on the couch, she'd leaned back and muttered darkly to herself. Something about 'bloody customers' who 'can't make up their bloody minds' and how some of them are 'rude and obnoxious' and she wished she could simply 'punch their faces into the next dimension' or 'rip them to shreds and make them the next meal'.

He thinks it is best not to mention that the customers that she is getting so worked up over could be the special guests they have heard about. From the way those customers were sipping their coffee and scrawling into their notebooks, Kaneki suspects that they were the special guests. They had even snuck out their phones to snap a few pictures before proceeding to order almost everything on their menu. If that isn't a sign, Kaneki doesn't know what is.

Still, he keeps his thoughts to himself, thinking it best not to disturb Touka. He's fond of his body parts being in one piece, thank you very much.

Whether by sheer luck or the work of some obscure greater power, the day ends with no broken cutlery and most importantly, no dead bodies. What a relief.

Even better, they exceeded their sales target by over 420%. Kaneki bets Yoshimura would be rolling in money now if he were the type to do so. What he completely doesn't expect is Yoshimura beaming proudly at the (bedraggled) assembled casts of Anteiku and declaring a celebration.

"Huh?" Touka blinks.

"A celebration for all your hard work today," Yoshimura replies smoothly.

"Awesome! It's been a long time since I've been to a party and let me tell you, back in my days, parties are _intense_ ," Enji boasts.

"When are we having our party?" Irimi tilts her head quizzically.

With a gleam in his eye, Yoshimura says, "Today."

"That's barely enough time to prepare anything!" Nishiki protests.

"Yes there is," Yoshimura replies firmly, "Meet us at Itori's bar in one hour. In the mean time, go home, change out of your work clothes and wear something nice."

Amidst a muttering of voices, Kaneki calls out, "Sir, what kind of party is it anyway?"

"Ah, the best kind of party, of course," Yoshimura chuckles, "The one with alcohol involved."

Kaneki does not like the sound of it, and he most certainly does not like how the rest of the ghouls exchange knowing glances and grins, as if they know something that he doesn't.

"Relax, Kaneki. Ghoul alcohol parties are the  _best._ " Enji declares, clapping the half-ghoul on the back.

At risk of sounding like a total inept fool in the world of parties, Kaneki pretends to understand and nods his head. "Yeah, the best," he says unconvincingly.

He doesn't want to spoil the fun, though. The other ghouls look ecstatic at the prospect of a celebration. When was the last time they had a party? Or even a day to relax and let loose?

Considering that his ghoul friends have been working hard to build up Anteiku and their human reputation, Kaneki muses that they haven't had a day off for a long time. Thinking back on how relaxed and easygoing his human life was, it sends a prick of guilt in his chest. The ghouls deserve this celebration; they've earned it with their hard work and resilience. In fact, Kaneki cannot think of anyone more deserving of this than the ghouls he surrounded himself with.

It isn't until hours later, when the party gets into full swing that Kaneki finally realises why ghouls don't party often. Especially one with alcohol involved.

Lots of it.

There's a phrase to describe how it went and it summed up Kaneki's experience accurately: shit is going to go down.

But until the nightmare begins, Kaneki is still bright-eyed and looking forward to how parties are celebrated - ghoul style.

Little does he know that it's going to be the biggest regret of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random life lesson: If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into other people' eyes.


End file.
